Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
