im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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