and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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