On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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