He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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