the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
