My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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