the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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