So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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