I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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