Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
