when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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