Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
