when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
