Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
