what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
