He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
