OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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