I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
