you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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