drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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