he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
