drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
