I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
