I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize