conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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