Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
