me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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