oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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