everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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