From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize