so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
