So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm really busy with my period
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