Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
