Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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