I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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