My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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