a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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