I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Your dad touched me again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
