that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
