i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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