: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
