my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I party with great urgency now.
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