The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
