I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Never underestimate the power of titties
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
