Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
