My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
