he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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