i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
