I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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