I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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