my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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