i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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