yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
