So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
