i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
