Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
