Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
