his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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